i have been stop writing a long time ago.
and now,,
something pulled me back, the voice of reasons i forgot i had.
something that made me wants to write again..
a new chapter of my life has began.
4 months ago.
now, exactly 4 months since im leaving my home.
i went to canada, 4 months ago with because i want to continue my study.
it is not easy to leave home, to another continent.
i feel lonely, sometimes kinda missing home.
ive never been more homesick than now..
a lot of things change since i came here.
society, life and everything.
i dont know how much i can inspire people.
but i just realise after a while being here.
that every single choice that you made, you gonna regret it and said.
how if i done the other way..
well. life doesnt always be like we wanted them to be.
a new place that brings a lot of different to this new life.
when you are so far away from home,
you wish someone could be there, someone there to rely on.
i guess thats what i felt
and it could be the beginning of my fault in here.
i feel happy sometimes that i now theres a lot of things i have done, many great things that i dont even imagine before.
but since i came here, im still try to assimilate.
sometimes im tired to blend to it, because im afraid to be failed again..
a lot of people back home, keep supporting me..
that make me, still stand up with my own feet til today..
well,,
i am willing to be the one and the angel that people love.
i am not a hero.
maybe im the villain..
sometimes i wanna cry, but theres no tears that willing to come from my eyes.
sometimes i laugh, i smile, but i dont feel the happiness.
it is like i lose myself.
and by the limited of words, i want to express it..
i will be a witness in the silence when the words are not enough.
in here,
sitting all alone,
in front of an open book..
i wanna cry, i wanna scream out loud that i feel theres something empty inside me.
and i dunno whats that..
im struggling with a lot of things.
my education, my life, my society, and my faith..
i want to have someone to rely on,
butt,,
now i will try to stand up with my own..
with the power of God,
on whom shall i fear??
*be strong and take heart, all of you who hope in the Lord*
*i read it somewhere, in this life, it is not necessarily to be strong, but to feel strong*
and i will be strong even if it is all goes wrong..
fiuhh..really, now im not good with words. no more..
the words seems not enough..
:)
