a new chapter

it's been a long time since i forgot how to write..

i have been stop writing a long time ago.

and now,,

something pulled me back, the voice of reasons i forgot i had.

something that made me wants to write again..

a new chapter of my life has began.

4 months ago.

now, exactly 4 months since im leaving my home.

i went to canada, 4 months ago with because i want to continue my study.

it is not easy to leave home, to another continent.

i feel lonely, sometimes kinda missing home.

ive never been more homesick than now..

a lot of things change since i came here.

society, life and everything.

i dont know how much i can inspire people.

but i just realise after a while being here.

that every single choice that you made, you gonna regret it and said.

how if i done the other way..

well. life doesnt always be like we wanted them to be.

a new place that brings a lot of different to this new life.

when you are so far away from home,

you wish someone could be there, someone there to rely on.

i guess thats what i felt

and it could be the beginning of my fault in here.

i feel happy sometimes that i now theres a lot of things i have done, many great things that i dont even imagine before.

but since i came here, im still try to assimilate.

sometimes im tired to blend to it, because im afraid to be failed again..

a lot of people back home, keep supporting me..

that make me, still stand up with my own feet til today..

well,,

i am willing to be the one and the angel that people love.

i am not a hero.

maybe im the villain..

sometimes i wanna cry, but theres no tears that willing to come from my eyes.

sometimes i laugh, i smile, but i dont feel the happiness.

it is like i lose myself.

and by the limited of words, i want to express it..

i will be a witness in the silence when the words are not enough.

in here,

sitting all alone,

in front of an open book..

i wanna cry, i wanna scream out loud that i feel theres something empty inside me.

and i dunno whats that..

im struggling with a lot of things.

my education, my life, my society, and my faith..

i want to have someone to rely on,

butt,,

now i will try to stand up with my own..

with the power of God,

on whom shall i fear??

*be strong and take heart, all of you who hope in the Lord*

*i read it somewhere, in this life, it is not necessarily to be strong, but to feel strong*

and i will be strong even if it is all goes wrong..

fiuhh..really, now im not good with words. no more..

the words seems not enough..

:)

Aku adalah Aku.

aku menelantarkan dunia dan mimpiku.

menyerahkan sebuah kehidupan yang awalnya adalah millikku.

aku bukan seorang penyair atau penyastra dengan bakat alami.

tapi aku pernah mencobanya untuk masuk ke dalam sudut tak terjangkau tersebut.

dan kini aku kembali hidup meninggalkannya bak mimpi di kala fajar tiba.

aku terbangun dan menaungi kehidupan yang sejak awal adalah sebuah takdir.

ketika aku bertanya pada diri sendiri, inikah yang diri ini inginkan.

sebagian kisah menyiratkan bahwa sebelum ada di dunia ini, manusia pernah ada di sini sebelumnya.

manusia memiliki rotasi 2500 tahun seperti kalanya bintang.

dan ketika aku bangun dan menyadari bahwa aku menginginkan sesuatu, aku larut dan tertidur dalam bayang itu hingga aku lupa cara untuk hidup.

kini aku hidup dalam mimpi dan tertidur dalam mimpi tanpa tahu bagaimana harus kembali hidup.

I miss you again just like it's yesterday

My desire to see you just won't disappear

You just keep appearing in my mind

The more I comfort myself, the more I cry

Even if I rub away those tears secretly

The memories spreading to other memories

Making me cry with pain

I regret that I've only received

Will you forget me because I haven't given you anything

I love you, I love you

This is what I learned from you

Out of all the words and phrases in the world

This has become my favorite phrase

I mutter it to myself, as if I were stupid

I'm really, I'm

I'm for these words that are too late

I wait for you without a sense of honor

will you return tomorrow by chance.

I was a fool.
My regrets were too late too. I know that it can't be turned back.
I know that I can't see you too.
I was so wrong, I'm so sorry.
I didn't get to say then, instead I was just being rotten.
So I'm here now pleading for forgiveness with worry

I'm a fool
Because of my pride I'm ruining myself with alcohol
and the bitter taste of cigarette smoke.
I cry my eyes out all day because I still love you
You and I, we both are like fools.

Don't be like that, think about it.
Think about what it took us to get here
Think about it again, you're going to regret it.
I was so wrong, I'm really sorry
I didn't get a chance to say then, instead I was just being rotten.
So I'm here now pleading for forgiveness with worry

I'm a fool
Because of my pride I'm ruining myeslf with alcohol
and the bitter taste of cigarette smoke.
I cry my eyes out all day because I still love you
You and I, we both are like fools.

I can't live a moment without you.
I still cry even no matter how I drink or if I cut my hair.

I'm a fool
Because of my pride I'm ruining myself with alcohol
and the bitter taste of cigarette smoke.
I cry my eyes out all day because I still love you
You and I, we both are like fools.

Don't ruin yourself anymore..