a new chapter

it's been a long time since i forgot how to write..

i have been stop writing a long time ago.

and now,,

something pulled me back, the voice of reasons i forgot i had.

something that made me wants to write again..

a new chapter of my life has began.

4 months ago.

now, exactly 4 months since im leaving my home.

i went to canada, 4 months ago with because i want to continue my study.

it is not easy to leave home, to another continent.

i feel lonely, sometimes kinda missing home.

ive never been more homesick than now..

a lot of things change since i came here.

society, life and everything.

i dont know how much i can inspire people.

but i just realise after a while being here.

that every single choice that you made, you gonna regret it and said.

how if i done the other way..

well. life doesnt always be like we wanted them to be.

a new place that brings a lot of different to this new life.

when you are so far away from home,

you wish someone could be there, someone there to rely on.

i guess thats what i felt

and it could be the beginning of my fault in here.

i feel happy sometimes that i now theres a lot of things i have done, many great things that i dont even imagine before.

but since i came here, im still try to assimilate.

sometimes im tired to blend to it, because im afraid to be failed again..

a lot of people back home, keep supporting me..

that make me, still stand up with my own feet til today..

well,,

i am willing to be the one and the angel that people love.

i am not a hero.

maybe im the villain..

sometimes i wanna cry, but theres no tears that willing to come from my eyes.

sometimes i laugh, i smile, but i dont feel the happiness.

it is like i lose myself.

and by the limited of words, i want to express it..

i will be a witness in the silence when the words are not enough.

in here,

sitting all alone,

in front of an open book..

i wanna cry, i wanna scream out loud that i feel theres something empty inside me.

and i dunno whats that..

im struggling with a lot of things.

my education, my life, my society, and my faith..

i want to have someone to rely on,

butt,,

now i will try to stand up with my own..

with the power of God,

on whom shall i fear??

*be strong and take heart, all of you who hope in the Lord*

*i read it somewhere, in this life, it is not necessarily to be strong, but to feel strong*

and i will be strong even if it is all goes wrong..

fiuhh..really, now im not good with words. no more..

the words seems not enough..

:)